Profits are everything! Explosions are a close second! Then image!
by iceandfire105
Summary: In the general scheme of things, Marcei was pretty damn high up on the status charts. She was like, *that* close to becoming the new Trade Princess, and that was something. But it really sucked that now everything had to mess up. Please review! All rights go to Blizzard.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

In the general scheme of things, Marcei was pretty damn high up on the status charts. She was like, *that* close to becoming the new Trade Princess, and that was something. It was a shame the current Trade Prince, Gallywix, was in the way. She could arrange to have him killed off, but a) her executive assistant, Sassy Hardwrench, wouldn't approve, b) it wouldn't get her any popularity points when the election time came, and c) it was simply too much hard work in the first place. And anyway, she was as sure as her skin was green that Gallywix wasn't stupid enough to die without direct assassination, and doing so would probably blow her cover, so she would have to kiss the title of Trade Princess goodbye.

It was a shame really, because she was so much better than him. And she had Sassy, who basically did all the work for her. So really, if she won this title, her life was going to be golden.'

Marcei was sitting in Headquarters, scribbling down various ways to improve her various chances of election, when Sassy came running in.

'Boss!'

Marcei looked up. 'Alright, who's screwed up now. I swear I'm gonna shoot them.'

'Foreman Dampwick, boss.'

Marcei sighed. Dampwick usually did alright when it came to staying on her good side, and was too useful to kill. She debated what to do with him, before finally settling with the idea of clubbing him over the head.

'Boss, I don't think he has done anything, he wanted to talk to you.'

'What about?'

'With all of the troubles down in the Kaja'mine, he's been going crazy trying to find you. He said something about "defiant trolls."'

Marcei groaned. Those trolls has irritated her since day one. Sure, they were stupid enough to do what they were told, but some of the brighter ones had a tendency to become rebellious. They were tasered, of course. It was amusing really, because tasering was never her idea. It was Dampwick's. He did pass it off as hers though. So she had bashed him with the nearest thing - a Kaja'mite pickaxe handle.

But it was a problem if the trolls were becoming defiant, because she wasn't sure tasering would deal with that as easily. The Kaja'mite they were mining had some special uh… properties. In short, it made you smart. Kaja'mite was the thing that made goblins into what they are now; the best engineers on Azeroth. Kaja'Cola was being produced out of the Kaja'mite; it was making her a fortune, and it was what Sassy believed was going to get her Trade Princess promotion. So really, "defiant trolls" weren't acceptable.

'Where is he?'

'He's at the mine to the east. And boss, give this as an incentive to get his act together.'

Sassy passed her a box. She put her ear to it, and could hear the ticking of a bomb.

She grinned. Dampwick did need an incentive, and this was perfect.

Sassy laughed. 'This should be a blast!'

'Definitely.'

At the Kaja'mine outside Headquaters, Foreman Dampwick was standing on a crate of tasers, looking particularly irritated.

Marcei cleared her throat.

Dampwick spun around. 'Ah, boss, I was looking for you, and I couldn't find you, and-'

'I was in Headquaters, Foreman.'

'Well, I can see that Sassy found you-'

Marcei thrust the box into his hands. 'Speaking of Sassy, she wanted you to have this.'

Dampwick blinked. Marcei could understand his surprise. Sassy didn't particularly like Dampwick, and to receive a present from her was simply odd.

Dampwick recovered from the surprise quickly, saying 'Always nice to get a gift hand delivered by the second in command.'

He opened the box, which exploded with a loud bang, and threw him backwards.

He yelled from underneath a pile of crate rubble, 'okay, okay! I got the message!'

Dampwick climbed out from the mess, and came over to her, brushing himself off and muttering, 'I am honestly not surprised.'

Once he had deemed himself dirt-free, he said, 'we've got trouble in the Kaja'mine again, boss. The tunneling worms have returned and they're literally eating away at the Kajaro Trading Company's profits!'

Marcei groaned. Even when the trolls were behaving, there were still problems when the tunneling worms came. They practically demolished the Kaja'mite supply, causing problems with the flow of Kaja'Cola being produced.

'What about the exterminator?'

'I tried calling him, but he's fled with the last payment we made to him. Do you think you could head into the mines and take care of it? I'd help but I haven't attended the Cartel-Mandated Fighter training seminar.'

'Then what was Sassy talking about when she mentioned "defiant trolls?"'

Dampwick paled, before howling, 'I've failed! I tried to meet our Kaja'Cola quotas, but you know troll slaves these days. Good help is hard to find! Kaja'Cola production must continue or the Trade Prince will have all of our heads!'

'And I suppose you want me to deal with it?'

'That would be nice, yes.'

Marcei grumbled. Her employees were so pathetic, she was used to doing most of the dirty work herself. As she turned to go to the mines, she remembered something. She whirled around and slugged Dampwick upside the head, before whispering in his ear, 'any more failures and you're fired. My boyfriend can do a better job that what you are doing right now. I can easily replace you.'

Dampwick gulped.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Because the trolls were closer than the worms, Marcei decided to deal with them first. They were definitely nothing impressive. They were blue skinned, tall and gangly (though she couldn't talk. She was barely three feet high). They were also stupid enough that they didn't manage to find any ways out of the mines. Not that she was complaining. Like Dampwick said, good help is hard to find.

Marcei had a specialty taser gun, so it had more of an effect on the trolls; meaning it was very painful. So within seconds, the "defiant trolls" were dealt with. Man, she was going to kill Dampwick and his pathetic Cartel-Mandated Fighter training rubbish. Well, she would, but that would mean one less employee. She wondered how the taser gun would affect him.

The mines were dark and dingy, with the Kaja'mite deposits glowing slightly. After trekking for ten minutes, Marcei started to assume there were no tunneling worms, and turned to leave. Then there was the sound of rock cracking, and she was buried in rubble.

Coughing, she climbed out of the rockslide and found herself face to face with a large, grotesque slimy grey thing. Still wondering what it was, she barely jumped aside in time when it lunged, and she was left with a long gash running down her arm.

Snarling, she pulled a knife from her belt, and threw it, where it hit its mark in the creature's eye. It shrieked, and reared backwards, waving it's head in agony, before dropping dead. The knife had apparently driven itself so far into the thing's head, that it killed it. Breathing heavily, and wincing from the stinging in her arm, she moved over to inspect what she had killed. This must have been a tunneling worm, because it registered vaguely in her memory, from when the last infestation struck.

She pulled the knife from the worm's skull, and went further down the mine, where she found nothing. It seemed that the rest of them had died out, and the one she had killed was the last of them. Satisfied, she left the mine.

She went back to Headquarters, where she found Dampwick. He was positively delighted when he heard of her success.

'I couldn't have done it better myself. In fact, I didn't. I'm sure that in no time at all, we'll all be talking about the great and powerful, and may I add extremely wealthy, Trade Princess Marcei!'

Marcei raised her eyebrows. 'Is this just to make up for the fact that I was extremely close to firing you?'

'Nah, it was just to make you happy, 'cause I need you to do something.'

'Need me to do something? I'm your boss.'

'Ah, well, it's just the fact that Sassy's been riding me to supply some Kaja'Cola for the party that's being thrown in your honor later today.'

Dampwick paused for a moment. 'Oops, was it supposed to be a surprise? You didn't hear it from me. Anywho, with production down these last few days, this is all I managed to get made.' He gestured to a six-pack of Kaja'Cola. 'Would you take it to her?'

Marcei sighed. 'Didn't it occur to you that if I bring the Kaja'Cola to her, she will realise that I know about this… party, and she will probably fire you, kill you, bury you, dig you up, and kill you again?'

Dampwick considered this for a second. 'Well, considering Sassy's frequent temper, I might agree with you boss, but as you see I am the one supplying the Kaja'Cola. If she kills me, she won't have any for the party anyway.'

'Okay. It's your funeral. If you even get one.'

'Hey!'

Marcei went back to Headquarters, and walked around, yelling Sassy's name until she came running, her usually green face tinted red. Marcei brought out the six-pack, which Sassy eyed warily, as if she expected it to explode as soon as she was given it. Gingerly, she took it. Once declaring it bomb-free, she said, 'we need more Kaja'Cola than this! I swear I'm going to fire Dampwick if I don't kill him first!'

'That's what I said.'

'Well, there is Kaja'Cola all over town. After all, it is the Bilgewater Cartel's best selling product of all time! Just remember, image is everything if we're going to get you promoted to Trade Princess! No, wait, profits are everything! Explosions are a close second. Then image!'

Marcei could tell that she was hinting heavily to buy more Kaja'Cola, but she also understood the part about image.

Bilgewater Cartel was Kezan's capital, and after seeing the size of the island, the population numbers weren't too vast. Marcei needed all of the "image" she could get.

'Boss, while you were down in the mines, Megs was asking for you. Something about your new ride? I think she is outside, off to the left somewhere.'

Marcei lightened at that. She liked Megs Dreadshredder. She was slightly more talented than the ordinary goblin when it came to engineering, and Marcei could always count on her is she needed anything made.

'Oh,' Sassy said, noticing her arm. 'You might want to get that cleaned up too.'

She reached over and swept a loose strand of green hair (the colour was rare; most goblins would kill for it. Literally.) back up into her hairband, and smiled wanly.

'You're reaching the peak of your career boss. You've worked so hard, you deserve only the best. You're gonna get that title. I know you will.'

Marcei smiled. She could always count on Sassy for an inspirational speech, even on her worst days. Some days were unsuccessful; they left her completely drained, and she hated it. After all, her second most favorite thing was success. Her most favorite though, was bombs. Nothing could change that.

She turned around. 'Chip!' she barked. There was a muffled response, coming from the other end of Headquarters. After a moment, Chip Endale poked his head through the doorway.

'What?'

'Fix up your girlfriend. She's injured.'

'Oh, hey babe,' he said, noticing Marcei. "Show me.'

Marcei held out her arm.

'Oh dang. That looks bad.'

Tugging her by the hand, he brought her to the infirmary. As he wrapped it up in bandaging, he asked, 'what bashed you up so bad? I'll bash them!'

'It wasn't anyone. Just a tunneling worm.'

'Man, I hate those things. Did'ja kill it?'

'Yes.'

He let out a whoop, dropping her now bandaged arm. 'That's my girl! No one messes with her!'

Marcei grinned and ruffled his brown hair (it wasn't green, but she didn't mind). 'Of course not! You never hesitate to get that message across.'

'That's cause I'm the best, and that's what the best does!'

'Definitely. Now, I need to go see Megs about something, I'll see you later.'

'Alright, but don't bust up that arm again; I just fixed it!'

Marcei laughed, and waved as she left. Now she had to find Megs.


End file.
